Too much too fast

It is amazing to me how much you can think you know someone and be completely wrong.  I've been dropping suggestions and hints to my husband for months about wanting to add kink to our bedroom and I thought I had been clear about wanting BDSM.

When my husband and I first met (as friends) the group we met through consisted of 80% of people in the BDSM lifestyle and the other 20% were open and accepting but not participants.  I thought everyone was aware of what went on at home, but I was wrong.  Not only did my now husband not know, he was and is completely unaware of anything but the most general stereo types.

I wrote him a confession trying to clearly state what I had been hinting at for months, and to say it didn't go well is an understatement.  He had responded enthusiastically and imediately to the previous requests for biting and light play so I had though he would be up for more intense things.  I wrote him the following four things just needing the conversation to be started hoping that he would at least be intrigued.

1)      I would like a Dominance/Submission relationship with you to what ever level you are comfortable with.  (Me as the submissive if my hints have sucked really bad)

2)      I would like you to use pain on me.

3)      I would like us to try out a BDSM social group because I love exhibitionism

4)      If we do join one I would like to be allowed to play with other women.

I never thought four sentences could hurt more but I spent an hour trying to convince him I wasn't asking for a hall pass to cheat.  Then the next 3 hours trying to explain what D/s is and why I like it.  Now I'm terrified and scared.  He says he's willing to consider and try things but I need to be very specific.

I'm lost and I can't seem to make him understand how hard that is for me.  I should have left out the exhibitionist part because I think he won't consider attending Munches now and I had hoped he might find a dominent to become friends with and learn things from. 

I know I've crossed a line and I can't go back, but the future scares me. 

I can't go back to completely vanilla again.  I feel like a vital part of me has been asleep for years and it has woken up hungry.  For me D/s removes the uncertainty from a relationship.  As a submissive if you do well you are praised, badly you are punished.  You strive to anticipate the needs of your partner but they also make clear if you have suceeded or not. 

I've started dreaming about the pain and the rush I feel along with it.  That moment when hurt melts into something that just opens you up and the tears flow uncontrolled releasing all the frustration and confusion inside you.  I have always been emotionally on the submissive/bottom side and it leaves me confused as to what to tell my husband about being a dom.

I really never thought about what goes on in dominants heads.  I know how to answer why do I like what I like but I don't even have a clue as to what to say when he asked me what would he get out of it except to be doing what I wanted.  Why would he like it?

Tonight we're supposed to try a little scene and dip his toes in.  Here is praying that I haven't broken what we had for a dream of what we could have.